getting ready to go on a long business trip in
Abuja. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so
he thought he’d try to get her something to keep
her occupied while he was gone, because he
didn’t much like the idea of her screwing
someone else.
So he went to a store that sold intimacy gadgets
and started looking around. He thought about a
life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to
another man for him. He was browsing through
the dildos, looking for something special to
please his wife, and started talking to the old
man behind the counter. He explained his
situation, the old man. “Well, I don’t really know
of anything that will do the trick.
We have vibrating dildos, special attachments,
and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will
keep her occupied for weeks, except …” said the
old man, and then he stopped.
“Except what?” asked the businessman.
“Nothing, nothing,” said the old man.
“C’mon, tell me! I need something!” protested
the businessman.
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there
is the ‘voodoo dick,’” the old man said.
“So what’s up with this voodoo dick?” the
businessman asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and
pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange
symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very
ordinary-looking Love Machine.
The businessman laughed, and said, “Big
_fucking deal. It looks like every other Love
Machine in this shop!”
The old man said, “But you haven’t seen what
it’ll do yet.” He pointed to a door and said
“Voodoo dick, the door.” The voodoo dick rose
out of its box, darted over to the door, and
started screwing the keyhole. The whole door
shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed
down the middle. Before the door could split, the
old man said, “Voodoo dick, get back in your
box!” The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to
the box and lay there, quiescent once more.
The businessman said, “I’ll take it!” The old man
resisted and said it wasn’t for sale, but he
finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy
took it home to his wife, told her it was a
special Love Machine and that to use it, all she
had to do was say, “Voodoo dick, my Kitty-Cat.”
He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine
while he was gone. After he’d been gone a few
days, the wife was unbearably Hot. She thought
of several people who would willingly satisfy her,
but then she remembered the voodoo dick.
She got it out, and said “Voodoo dick, my
pusssy!” The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and
started pumping. It was great, like nothing she’d
ever experienced before.
After three _orgasms, she decided she’d had
enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck
in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get
it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had
forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she
decided to go to the hospital to see if they could
help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and
started to drive to the hospital, quivering with
every thrust of the Love Machine.
On the way, another _orgasm nearly made her
swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by
a policeman. He asked for her license, and then
asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and
twitching, she explained that she hadn’t been
drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her
pusssy, and wouldn’t stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then
said, “Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my _ass!”
