They agreed its so difficult preaching to people all the time and no one preaches to them.
Sitting by the river with little response from the hooks one pastor thought of sharing his heart with others.
He said " guys its rare to get such an opportunity to be among ourselves like this. It would be good if we look into our lives and help each other with our weaknesses". They all agreed to this.
This pastor said " Gentlemen I need help! The people in my church give a lot of money every week. I started taking little by little but now I take a big chunk. I can't stop stealing from the church please pray for me. The day they will find out I will be fired"! Another pastor said "brothers your sins are better than mine! I have slept with every woman in the church including married women. As I preach my eyes hover over the congregation looking for the next prey. If this is discovered people will not fire me, they will kill me!" The last pastor's feet were shaking as they were talking. They thought he had a big story to tell.
He stood up and said " My brothers my problem is gossip! I can't sit anymore. I have to share this! I will be back!
2. A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passer-by, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly
got you killed!"
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies,
"To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."
3. The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship.
Little Mary led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,"
she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the
customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious
success."
"Very good," said the teacher.
Little Sally was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and
I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of
current events."
"Very good, Sally," said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn.
Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped
a box full of cash on the teacher's desk."$2,467," he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Tooth brushes," said Little Johnny.
"Tooth brushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell
enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.
They all said the same thing.
Hey, this tastes like poo!
Then I would say, "YES It is poo."
Wanna buy a toothbrush to wash it off?"
4. A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your TROUSER pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"
She replied, "Your horse called."
5. An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go.
