Few months after my wedding with
Me and iyo aye, we decided that instead of both
of us doing the business, I should return
back to the church and continue to work
there. I discussed with the Head Pastor
and he was glad to re – absorb me. I
resumed back to work there with speed
and alacrity. But on the day I resumed
back I was summoned to the meeting
with the Church Board. After I entered I
was ushered to sit down.
Head Pastor: Bro Collins, we are happy
to have you back. Infact, the new
Accountant just messed up our books
and committed serious blunders.
Me: Thank you sir.
Elder Garba: The Accountant, I am happy
that you are back to the church office. I
hope this time around you will not “run”
away again like you did the other time
Me: No sir. I wont run away.
Head Pastor: Accountant, you have to
reconcile all the accounts from the very
day you left to the last service. External
Auditors from the
Main Church will be returning back next
week to check back the books and let me
tell you this; we were about planning to
meet you when you called us if you can
come back.
Me: I feel honoured sir.
Deacon Gbade: Pastor, hope this our new
accountant won’t be chasing girls in the
church?
Head Pastor: No!!!! even when he was
with us the first time, he had a stainless
record for not messing up with the ladies
in this church. So I can vouchsafe him
anywhere anytime.
Me: [(thinking) ti Pasito yii ba mo nnkan
ti mo dan-wo (if Pastor knew what I did,
he won’t be saying this)] I did not and
will not do such.
Deacon Gbade: Ok. But accountant know
that I am watching you.
As soon as I got to my office, I
discovered that the place was seriously
dusty. I beckoned to the cleaner to come
and clean the office. After cleaning the
office, I settled for the day’s job. No
longer when I settled I heard a knock on
the door
Me: come in.
When the person entered I was rooted to
the spot! She had the body of Chika Ike
but had the complexion of Caroline
Ekanem…surprisingly it was Ritababe!
Ritababe: Accountant welcome back.
Me: Thank you dear. And how is work?
Ritababe: Work is going on fine. But
Collins, you really offended me. You
eventually did your wedding with Iyoaye.
Thank God you are back. I promise that
you will pay.
Me: (mogbe) abi mot i gbo ni?. (I no
hear that one ooo)
(Flashback) Ritababe has been a lady I
fancied in the choir. We were close and
most times she calls me pet names
whenever she had the chance. One day
when we went to the youth camp, we
sneaked to a very secluded and dark area
of the camp where we had sex; I
deflowered her that night and afterwards
she had been a pain on my neck that she
wanted to marry me. I tried my best to
avoid her because my people were
against both of us settling down but she
was adamant. (She was Igbo while I was
Yoruba)….the usual intercom jerked me
back to life
Me: hello
Assistant Pastor: Please Accountant
come to my office
Me: ok (call ends)
Ritababe: a tun ma ri’ra (we will see
later)
When I got to the Assistant Pastor, guess
who I saw, MattKelly!
MattKelly: Padi mi to sure ju…….
Me: Eh! Mattkelly!! you??? A pastor??? I
was shocked
Mattkelly: Padi mi na me ooo. You are
surprised abi? At least Saul was
converted and he became Paul.
We both laughed. Then I asked
Me: what about Pst. Onihaxy?
Mattkelly: don’t mind the guy. He was
caught smooching a girl in his office by
the Head Pastor and was dismissed
summarily. But the lady stopped coming
to church.
Me: well….Pst. Mattkelly, I hope you don
change.
Mattkelly: well baba God don arrest me
sha. But by the way, I heard you are
married.
Me: yes I am married.
Mattkelly: na you be boss o.
Me: My pastor, if I be boss you be senior
archbishop.
I returned to my office only to discover
that I have 13 missed calls. Four were
from my wife and the remaining nine
from an unknown number. I called my
wife and spoke to her but after making
the call, I called the other number
Me: good morning I missed your call
The person: I know that you won’t miss
me; it is the call that you will miss. This
is Dcns. Emeka.
Me: Aiyeraye oooo. E ku ojo meta (it has
been a long time)
Dcns. Emeka: I know other women would
have been competing with me.
Me: no ooo. I have stopped all these.
And besides I’m married
Dcns. Emeka: What??? You got married
and you didn’t tell me???
Me: it is not like that ma. My phone was
flashed and I forgot to remove the sim
and all contacts were wiped off from it.
Dcns. Emeka: o ga o. well sha I’m not
annoyed. Just wanna tell you that I am
back.
Me: that is great. What did you bring for
your boy???
Dcns. Emeka: Collins, I heard that you
have left the church some months back.
Me: yes I did. With the consent of my
wife, I called the Head Pastor and he was
happy to reabsorb me.
Dcns Emeka: that’s lovely. But who is
she?
Me: sis. Iyoaye.
Dcns Emeka: mtchewwww. Accountant, o
se mi (you have offended me)
Me: what happened ma???
She ended the call. I loaded airtime on
my phone and called her back
Me: Aunty what happened???
Dcns Emeka: I thought that i will have
you for the weekend. Don’t you know that
I have missed your OPA-MOSE?
Me: lol. Ma er….please try to
understand…..i er…..know that….
Dcns Emeka: (cuts in) meet me at our
usual spot tomorrow by 6pm
Me: but ma….
Dcns Emeka: bye (ends call)
I sat in my office pondering on what I
have dragged myself into. How will I
handle Dcns. Emeka??? How also will I
handle Ritababe???
TBC
