Having been married and divorced twice, here are the things I would have benefited by knowing ahead of time.
1. Different partners bring different problems?
When you divorce, you usually have a list of complaints about your ex that justify (in your mind!) the reason for the split. You will most likely look for the exact opposite personality type than your original partner for your next time around — i.e. if your ex was a control freak, you will search for a “laid-back’ disposition. But are you just swapping power trips for laziness?
2. Different partners but SAME problems!
One of the reasons you’re no longer married is your ex claimed you didn’t effectively communicate your love and that you always took them for granted. During your next serious courtship, you inquire why your potential mate’s previous marriage ended. You’re shocked to hear they left because they felt unloved and unappreciated! Uh oh — better change your old ways fast! It’s a shame that as long as you’re willing to grow and improve for this new person, you couldn’t have done it earlier. Perhaps a divorce could have been prevented in the first place?
3. You’re becoming an expert with children’s issues!
When you were originally married, you may have dealt with your own children’s special situations like ADHD, lying or temper tantrums. When you remarry someone with children of his or her own, suddenly you’re exposed to a new variety of behaviors in your home – it could be shyness, eating disorders, or fear of dogs this time. Maybe you’ll hang up your shingle as a child psychologist now with all your experience!
4. Wedding vows will seem more flexible!
If you get remarried you will hear the words in your ceremony with a different sort of ear. “Until death do us part” didn’t exactly hold true the first time around, did it? Hmmmm.
5. Are your family & friends taking bets?
People close to you will overtly wish you well with your subsequent marriage. But don’t think they’re not secretly wondering if you’re gonna finally get it right this time around?
6. Your ex-spouse and your new love WILL eventually meet.
And you will hold your breath and squirm. Will they compare notes? Will your first partner let slip the secret that you’re really a big slob? Will your new mate brag that you bring lots of bouquets of roses home? Any which way it goes down, chances are you’re going down too. Pulling the lever on a nearby fire alarm might seem like the only way to break this conversation up.
7. What’s in a name?
Depending how long you’ve been married the first time, at some point you will inadvertently call your new spouse by your ex’s name. Will this have a worse outcome if it happens during passionate sex or during a particularly horrible argument? I’m not gonna tell you. But if you remarry someone with the same name, you’ve done everyone a great favor!
