over 100 people working in the unit. I face daily harassment and discrimination just because I am single. For goodness sake, it isn’t a sin to remain single after 2 years of working there. Gosh! Some of the issues I face are
as follows:
1.Everyone expects you to work harder than others – My boss gives me more work than others. He keeps hammering on my head that he expects me to work harder than others simply because I have no wife or kids to worry about- Same annoying stuff everyone around me keeps telling me! I am expected to close later than everyone else simply because I don’t have a family! I am expected to bear more work burden because they think I don’t have other issues in life to worry about. Even when you work so hard, it is never enough because you are assumed to have abundant energy for the singular reason that you are yet not wedded! Isn’t that funny, or rather simplistic, or just plain annoying?
2.You are treated with lesser respect – In a gathering of colleagues, your opinion is not as highly regarded as others. No one really cares much about your opinions (especially non work related issues). Some pretend that they do, but in their actions, you can really tell that they don’t. Many think you aren’t responsible. Some think that all you do is to pursue interns or girls all round.
3.In an argument or debate, you hear “it’s because you are not yet married, you won’t understand’ – This is the most disgusting. When an ordinarily intellectual argument gets to a point when your fellow colleague seems to be losing out, he/she resorts to the cheap punch line “It’s because you aren’t yet married, you simply can’t understand” or “you are still young”. And I simply wonder – what does this discourse have to do with whether I am married or not? It’s just another smear remark on your singlehood.
4.You are an easy pick for relocation/ field work – When issues of relocation or extended field work crops up, you are easily handpicked for that. Reason: You have no family to relocate with. In other words, ‘na only you waka come’. My unit is considering relocating me from Lagos to one of the semi-developed state in Nigeria. I will resist as much as possible. But I know it’s almost a lost battle. No one cares about my reasons for not wanting to move. All because I am single. I was almost considering marrying urgently to block the relocation but it’s not advisable. I am assigned almost every time for field work on behalf of my unit. My other colleagues are easily exempted because of their marital status. Why me always?
5. Everybody reminds you every day of your singleness – Another frustrating issue I have learnt to live with every working day until I finally get married. Everyone reminds you that you are getting older. People ask you when you will finally present your wedding IV. People remind you that you have been working for the organization for quite some time. Colleagues (both senior and junior) ask you what you have been doing with your money. It’s just so vexing. Must I be told every single day at work? I already know for goodness sake.
6. You avoid celebrating your birthdays in office because people will admonish you to get married – Celebrating your birthday, which ordinarily is a thing of joy, becomes a plague (in office) which you have to avoid at all cost. Why? It’s another opportunity for colleagues and other ‘well-wishers’ to preach to you on the need for you to marry. It presents another opportunity for your bosses and colleagues to remind you that your clock is ticking. The bulk of the prayer you receive is “By God’s grace, you will be married by this time of the year”. And everyone shouts a big AMEN! This piles a lot of indirect pressure on you to meet the ‘target’ set to you by others.
7. People call you ‘boy’ - How dare you call me boy? But colleagues do all the time. Many times it is unintentional, but this is because they still see me as a ‘boy’ in their mindset simply because I don’t have the wedding ring on my finger yet! I live on my own, cater for myself, support my parents and some relatives financially and live a comfortable life. Am I still a boy? Damn NO. It’s shocking that even my boss calls me boy when he is scolding me, but never does the same to others. For goodness sake, that’s a form of harassment.
8. You hardly receive compassionate leave – No one wants to consider you for compassionate leave, even after spending your holidays and weekends working. I recount the number of times my married colleagues have enjoyed compassionate leave. But my boss will not hear my plea after working myself out for him. It’s even a sort of battle to go for my company approved leave as he will insist that the leave is of little significance to me since I am yet to marry.
9. You become the errand boy - This infuriates me too, especially when there are no interns around. You do the running around for your bosses. You are sent to the bank, to shops, to pick stuffs, to run some personal errands for your unit. You are expected to do some dirty or menial jobs simply because you are a single man. I have almost become my manager’s personal assistant despite the fact that I am employed a core professional.
10. You are the odd one out – No one will understand how it feels to be the odd one out of over 100 people. That feeling of knowing that you are just different from everyone else only because you are unmarried. You tend to avoid departmental get togethers because everyone else brings their spouses except you. When you aren’t discussing work or sports with colleagues, then it’s most likely that the discussion will be on family issues. People keep throwing it at your face one way or the other. They talk about family friends, timeout with kids, house helps, vacation with hobbies, etc. but you remain silent, hardly able to contribute. It feels awkward to be odd.
These are some of the frustrations we single men face at work daily. Your experience may be slightly different from mine, but we demand equal and fair treatment. The good news is that we won’t remain single for a long time.
