himself
sinking deep into his misery. He felt turn
apart
with his self esteem reduced to the lowest
level.
He lost every sense of pride and felt
shame
whenever he beheld his wife or even
thought of
her.
He couldn’t bring himself to hate her for
what
she had said about his s*x life;instead, he
hated
himself more than ever.
He didn’t pray about his situation
because he
didn’t know what to ask God in prayer.
Was he
going to be like, ‘dear God please give me
the
strength and wisdom to make better love
to my
wife’? That would be the most senseless
and
useless prayer any human had ever made.
He didn’t fell like a man any longer
around
Ruth. And to think that she had been
bearing
his ‘unsatisfactory’ love making all these
while
even made him wonder how she had been
managing him.
Ruth was the woman he loved. She was
an
innocent woman he had brought into his
home
and she had made him happy all these
while.
He had lived for her and had tried to be
the
best man he could ever be just for her.
How
could he have known that he had been
making
her suffer and live a life of regret for
marrying
him?
Why had he even taken their love life for
granted? Yes, he had never given his s*x
life a
second thought. He had thought it was a
secondary issue that didn’t really require
much
attention given the fact that they were
more
involved in heavenly race.
Paul had also never seen Ruth as
someone who
would bother much about how he made
love to
her. She had always been this reserved
girl he
had married as a virgin. He thought she
didn’t
really care. She didn’t know anything
about s*x
before he married her, how could he have
known that he was not giving it to her the
way
she liked it. He had never even known that
there was actually a way she liked it. She
had
never been open about her sexuality.
If such an innocent, loving and gentle
woman
could complain about his style of love
making,
then he must be really bad at it. And that
was
why he felt very bad. Wasn’t he really a
man?
Coming home every evening became a
torn in
his flesh. Seeing her and eating her food,
knowing that he hadn’t been able to
satisfy her
as man all these while made him felt
useless.
At the moment, he just sat alone in his
office
and pondered on his situation.
For the first time in a very long while,
Paul took
a mental journey back to his worldly days.
He
had, in his late teens, craved for women
and
had slept with a couple of them but that
was a
long time ago. He hardly even
remembered
what sleeping with a different woman,
apart
from Ruth, was like. He had always been
a
moral person and had avoided fornication
right
from when he repented at the age of
twenty
two.
As a young Christian, he had practically
avoided
sexual intercourse by outrigthly pushing
the
thought out of his mind. It was an
abomination
to his God and the thought of it was a
sin.
Thinking about his past life brought him
to the
realization that he knew absolutely
nothing
about s*x. He had he, in the course of
trying to
live an absolute Christian life, neglected a
very
important part of living. s*x must be very
important to a man’s ego, if not, why had
he
felt really bad at the realization that he
hadn’t
been able to satisfy his wife?
He was suffering alone and didn’t know
who to
talk to about this issue. How was he
going to
tell his pastor or friends that his wife was
angry
with him because he wasn’t able to
satisfy her
in bed? They would laugh behind his back
and
even blame his childless state on him.
How was he even going to know how to
satisfy
her sexually? If what he had been doing
to her
had not been good enough, what was he
supposed to do to make her happy? Worst
still,
there was nowhere in the bible that gave
s*x
lessons.
Perhaps he should try once again with her
and
see if he could improve over time. No, he
wasn’t
supposed to touch her again until he was
sure
he would satisfy her.
Suddenly a flash image of the Unclad girl
he
had seen in his neighbor’s balcony some
days
ago came into his mind. Paul was sure it
was
thedevil trying to make him lust for the
girl
once again. But the thought of the Unclad
girl
lingered. Who wouldn’t lust for such
perfect
body? Then Paul felt bad that someone
like him
would never be able to satisfy such a girl.
He
couldn’t even satisfy a novice like Ruth.
But couldn’t it be possible that his sexual
life
was unsatisfactory because he was only
having
s*x with a novice like Ruth? Come to
think of it,
how could he perfect in the act of love
making
when he only slept with just his innocent
inexperienced wife? She was the one who
had
made him this way! He had come to
accept she
was okay with their lovemaking because
she
never said otherwise; neither does she
bring in
her own energy into the game.
Yes, the onus was on him to satisfy her,
but he
was also somehow a novice too as regard
to
s*x.
The lady, Boma, had giving him the green
light
the last time he saw her at her office. Did
she
want him to sleep with her?
Paul couldn’t believe he was thinking this
way.
But he really didn’t care. He didn’t want
to
think of the consequences of such
thought. For
now he would do anything to make his
wife
happy. He would do anything to make
himself
feel like a man too.
He allowed himself to reminisce on
Boma’s
beautiful body. Then he remembered how
she
had acted towards him at her office and
all he
could see was enough reason to believe
she
must want to sleep with him too.
He usually closed early on Thursday’s for
weekly
fellowship, but today, he was going to go
to
Boma’s office and if she continues to give
him
the light, he would hang out with her
today and
attend fellowship next week.
To be continue
