araprosdokians) are figures of speech in
which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, and frequently humorous.
Here are 29 to get you giggling.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s
still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to
act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who
is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. They begin the evening news with “Good
Evening”, then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To
steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train
stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just
wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says,
‘Emergency contact’, I put ‘doctor’.
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was
blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they
can walk down the street with a bald head and a
beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually
another woman.
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy
memory.
17. You do not need a parachute to skydive unless
you want to do it again.
18. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes
misery easier to live with.
19. There’s a fine line between cuddling and
holding someone down so they can’t get away.
20. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
21. You’re never too old to learn something silly.
22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and
call whatever you hit the target.
23. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending
machine.
25. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian
any more than standing in a garage makes you a
car.
26. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
27. If you would like to have a million dollars then
start with two million.
28. During WWII Sir Winston Churchill address to
congress began with:
“It has often been said that Britain and America
are two nations divided only by a common
language”.
