still believe the world didn’t come about by some silly Big Bang Theory.
Over the weekend I attended two churches; the one a friend dragged me to on Saturday evening, and then on Sunday evening, Assemblies of God Church, my family church. I noticed some things which I didn’t like, and I’m sure the other worshippers did not like them too, but they had become used to them over time.
This is the blog, well, so I’ll just bare my mind here. The reason why it’s ‘Nigerian’ pastors on the title up ahead is because yours faithfully has never attended church service outside the country. So I’m quite assuming only Nigerian pastors do the following.
#1. Screaming into Microphones:
Oga, there’s a reason why the thing is called a microphone. It is to be talked into, or even whispered into (if your voice as loud as mine). There’s no need to shout into the mike. It pains the ears of the worshippers close to the speakers. And then, we all end up leaving church with our ears ringing. The worst part is when you people now scream in tongues during general prayers, unto God- with mike! Shey God will not hear you if you don’t use the mike? Haba!
#2. Breaking Bottles on our Heads:
Have you ever sat in a church and the pastor, during his sermon speaks grammar that makes you lose anointing? Jeez, me too! A pastor will go like: “Go to the extreme end, and call that sister. That demon has to be pursued out now-now!” The demon in the instance will even begin to laugh seriously. One thing that pains me is that these pastors have no regard most times for us, they don’t mind breaking our heads with those unscrupulous grammar and pronunciations, because they're operating from cloud nine. Make una calm down, thank you.
#3. Staying on one Prayer Point for too long:
I personally detest this. Some pastors will make a simple prayer like, ‘God bless my family’ and turn it into a marathon race. They will stay on one topic for hours, and ginger and ginger us not to stop. It gets boring oh, Pastor. We are Nigerians and we get bored easily.
#4. Asking for too much:
I don’t mean financially this time. Some pastors are like some of our presidential candidates. They are born dictators and control freaks, and only hide behind the pulpit to force us to do things. I personally don’t like when a pastor says: “Walk to fifty-five people and welcome them to service this morning.” It causes problems for ushers as the church becomes rowdy. Also, some pastors like their congregation to repeat every sentence they say fourteen times, or obey every single order to the smallest detail. How will a pastor tell us: “Lift up your right hand and place it on your left breast, then put your left hand under your right shoulder. The anointing is about to flow.”? (Okay I'm exaggerating again), but how on earth are we supposed to pull that off?
#5. Ending every Sermon with Seed-Sowing:
Aha. I put this one last because it's the one you've been expecting to see. These days, even a sermon on how saints will be ruptured on the last day ends with certain pastors making alter calls for people interested in sowing seeds. This is after the church has collected like three times offering already oh. You should stop this oh. Sometimes we your congregation get milked in service to the extent that we also use our transport money to sow a seed. We really humans oh.
