into the office. I ushered her to sit down.
Dcns. Emeka: Accountant the Accountant
Me: mummy it is well ma
Dcns. Emeka: I want to know where you
are living
Me: I live at Iyana Church ma.
Dcns. Emeka: Iyana Church ke? O ti jina
ju now
Me: I know ma. I am planning to scot
with a friend at Olorunsogo. And….
Dcns. Emeka: (cuts in) don’t worry. We
have discussed and we have resolved to
get an apartment for you that will not be
far from the church.
After some discussion she left and I
started pondering
How will I cope here?
How will these people treat me?
Hope I won’t be policed around?
As I was thinking about that, a call came
on my phone
Me: hello
Caller: hello lover boy
Me: who am I speaking with?
Caller: hmmm Na wa for you. It is your
angel Damola
Me: Dammy mi. Omo ele that I have
vowed to marry if not….
Damola: shhhh. Please don’t make me
remember how we parted….
Me: BTW why hiding your number?
Damola: well I am presently using a
public line in Gauteng.
Me: South Africa?
Damola: beeni o. I just called to check on
you Mr. Lover Boy
Me: Anyway congrats sweetheart. At
least I am happy that the visa was
finally approved for you. BTW I have
been called by that church.
Damola: Wow!!!!! Congrats dear. I wished
I was in Ibadan presently to celebrate
with you
Me: how?
Damola: u know now. Wrapping my lips
around your “OPA MOSE” and playing
with the balls, sucking the living water
from it……..
Me: o gbadun. And lest I forget, I am
now a church worker.
Damola: E pele o. Pasito Collins. I will
call you later
Me: ok dear, take care (ends call)
—————————–
(Flashback)
Damola and I met on the last day of our
Youth Service in Jos. When we were
collecting our Discharge Certificate at
Rwang Pam Stadium, I discovered that
someone came in from nowhere and
wanted to jump the queue to collect her
certificate. I was mad and I had to
challenge her
Me: excuse me ma’am, you have to go
and join the queue.
Damola: wetin you go do for me?
Me: please respect yourself and go back.
Damola: even if Jonah dey for queue, he
no fit tell me say make I no collect my
certificate before am.
Everybody on the queue started laughing
and I was seriously embarrassed. Later in
the evening when I boarded the bus
going to Abuja, I discovered that a lady’s
bag was beside where I wanted to sit and
no longer I sat down a lady came to the
bus and guess what? She was the one.
Damola: Mr. man God don catch una.
She said among smiles
Me: (turning to my friend) omo yii lo
f’oshe yi mi ni stadium.
Damola: (turning to my friend) ma da
lohun. O fe ma se bi Van Damme.
Me: Well nnkan t’o ti sele ti sele, I am St.
Collins (extended my hand to her)
Damola: Omo Igbo t’on so Yoruba ni yii?
Me: Ogidi omo Yoruba ni mi
She surprised me by hugging me and
said to my ears “you are too ugly”
—-
(flashback continues)
Our journey to Abuja was eventful
because we all argued and discussed
about the forthcoming elections (between
GEJ and GMB) and how Jega is bleeping
up with the non-functionality of the card
reader in some places. We arrived at
Abuja and funny enough we dropped at
the same bus – stop. We exchanged
numbers and sooner or later, we started
dating each other. On a fateful day she
came to Ibadan to pay me a visit, she
collapsed and she was rushed to the
hospital. It was there that we discovered
that she had anaemia and she urgently
needed blood transfusion. When I
volunteered to donate blood to her the
Doctor said he wanted to see me in his
office
Doctor: Mr. St. Collins (pronounced as
Sin-Collins), there is not a good news.
Who is she to you?
Me: She is my girlfriend.
Doctor: I am sorry to tell you sir, your
blood group and genotype is not
compatible.
Me: mo gbe Ahhhh!!!
I felt my world was crashing…. My first
and only girlfriend!!!! The girl that took
my virginity!!!! Why??? I was crying
leaving the doctor’s office. A woman
came to console me that I should take
heart and volunteered to donate hers’.
When she was alright I broke the news to
her. She cried and cried but later she
took heart and we remained best of
friends, though sometimes whenever she
comes to Ibadan, we always have mind
blowing “bleep – bleep”
TBC
