appeared sweating and breathing heavily, he said, look go get a cup of coffee for my friend here.( the boy sets off) the farmer's friend with a strange look on a his face asks him, what a funny name, is he a relative of yours? ah yes!!! he is my grand child, i call him this way because when i sent my daughter to study overseas she returned with him.
• A man arrived at a doctor's office yesterday morning complaining of serious backache. The doctor examined him and asked, ''What did you do to your back?'' The man replied, You know that i'm a bouncer at a night club?'' Yesterday morning i got home to my flat quite early and heard a noise from my bedroom. As i entered, i got to know someone is sleeping with my wife as my wife was lying Unclad on the bed and the back door was open. I rushed out through the back door and did not find anyone. As i looked down from the back door i saw a man down stairs running out of the building and was dressing himself up. I quickly grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. That is how i strained my back. The doctor treated him and he left. In the afternoon, another man arrived looking as if he had been in a car wreck. The doctor said; ''My last patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What happened to you?'' The man replied, ''You know i have been unemployed for a while now, this morning was supposed to be my first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it, a fridge fell on me.'' The doctor treated him and he left. In the evening, just before the doctor is about to close, a third man came, he looked even worster than the other two men. The doctor was shocked and asked; ''What happened to you?'' He replied; ''I was hiding inside a fridge.''
• There were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.
However upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Beer. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so, " Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE!!"
* 6 Types Of People You Meet At Shoprite Mall Ikeja
• 1.The SHOPRITE ARTISTS:You often see people of all calibers coming to you with different cds and introducing themselves as artist who are looking for the right opportunity to explode to the scene.Kids are also not left out as most are even encouraged by their parents to sell their gospel cds
2.The One bottle of Coke One hour people:These are mostly girls wjo come to the mall and kill time on a bottle of soft drink.They come in around 4pm and will be there until whenever.They are obviously looking for suitors and all they do is sit down sipping the bottle hoping for one to come forth.
3.The elevator snappers:These ones only come with the objective of going up and down the elevator without any other mission.They just go up and down snapping pictures.
4.The trolley pushers:They push the shopping trolley snapping pictures and at the end leave empty handed.
5.The Job seekers.They have their cvs with them and are ready to let you know that they are only there to seek for help ,they tell you all their stories but at the end ask you to stiipend.
6.The Marketers: These ones are one of the most annoying.They make you fill forms for family holidays and tell you it is free only for you to find out that you will paying more than you bargained.
Please add yours.
• A whooping $200 million was made by Floyd #Mayweather juz in a fight and Yoruba Elders be like "IJA O DOLA", :]xx
. :O
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_||_ Shoroniyen?
• Two farm invaders decided to use a cemetery as the place to share the stolen corns.
(in the cemetery) sharing starts: 2 for you, 2 for me, 2 for you, 2 for me,, and so on, suddenly, 2 of the corns esaped from the sharer's hands only to land outside.the other guy was on his way to get it when the sharer asked him not to worry about it until they are done with sharing all the corns before them.
meanwhile, a drunkard passing by the cemetery hears repeatedly, 2 for you, 2 for me, and so on. very afraid, he seeks the guard hurriedly to inform him about the new development.
DRUNKshaking) hey!! my security man u don't know what's going on in here?it's very serious!!
SECURITY MANin hausa accent) uga, wefin i mean?
DRUNKwith eyes wide open) GOD and the devil are sharing all the souls in this cemetery, i heard it.
SECURITY MANhausa accent) kai! wefin i dey talk? na ogogoro be my frovlem?!! abi i dey craze?!!
DRUNK:yes. Northerner if you no believe me, come make i show you.
the guard decides to accompany him in da man got home one day and said to his wife,' good morning dear'. the woman responds,'good morning super man',she asked in turn,'are you going to take breakfast superman?are you going to work superman?' the man very confused asked her,'why are u calling me superman for heavens's sake?' the woman responds,'only superman uses boxers on trousers!!'.isbelief. on getting close enough to listen to the voice without seeing them, they decide to hide behind one of the graves . they continue to listen repeatedly 2 for you, 2 for me,
after sharing all the corns the sharer said to the other guy, 'now let's go get those two out there'. (madly scared) the drunk and the guard run like never before.
• A drunk man got home one day and said to his wife,' good morning dear'. the woman responds,'good morning super man',she asked in turn,'are you going to take dinner superman?are you going to work tomorrow superman?' the man very confused asked her,'why are u calling me superman for heavens's sake?' the woman responds,'only superman uses boxers on trousers!!'.
• a man saw his female colleague at the office and says to her, 'your hair smells nice'. immediately, the lady goes to the director's office to report a sexual abuse after explaining the incident. the surprised director asks her- what is bad with a colleague telling you that your hair smells nice? the woman responds - he is a dwarf, a short man for that matter.
• IN CUBA
some horrible looking men with long beards got into a restaurant and ordered for lunch. after eating:as they got up to leave without paying their bills the owner of the restaurant went after them to ask for his money. one of them responds: 'look we are fidel Castro's police officers!'.the frightened man decided to let them go in peace. meanwhile a hungry guy who watched the whole incident from outside also decided to have lunch in the restaurant. after eating: he was interupted by the owner of the restaurant as he got up to leave
OWNER: hey mr. where is my money?!
THE GUY: look here man u're addressing a fidel Castro officer. u could be in trouble for this!
OWNERlaughing) look at you trying to deceive me. now tell me where is the long beard like the others?
the guy looked around to ensure that no one was watching as he went close to the owner and put down his trousers and boxers to show him the region of his privates. he then whispered to the owner of the restaurant,'I'M A SECRET AGENT'.
The owner of the restaurant fainted.
• A guy phoned his home one afternoon wanting to know what his wife would make for dinner. -- Hello? Says the voice of a child. -- Hi, dear, this is dad. is mom close to the phone? -- No, Daddy. She is upstairs in the room with uncle Frank. After a few seconds, the guy says: - But dear, you do not have an uncle named Frank! -- Yes, I have! And he is there in the room with Mom. -- alright dear, I want you to do the following: run upstairs, knock on the door and yell at mom and uncle Frank that my car just stopped in front of the house. -- alright Daddy! A few minutes later, the girl returned- I did what you asked. -- And what happened? -- Well, Mom jumped Unclad out of the bed and began to scream and run all over the room, suddenly she slipped on the carpet falling out through the front window, and now she is dead , -- Oh, my God! and the uncle Frank? -- He jumped from the bed Unclad and very scared, jumped out the window to get into the pool, but he must have forgotten that you emptied the pool last week for cleaning, and there he hit his head at the bottom, and Now he is there, also dead, After a long pause, the guy asked: - Swimming pool? excuse me, is the phone number 3212-0739? -- No, the girl responds - sorry, i dialed a wrong number! he hangs the phone.
• A guy married a virgin girl, and the next day went to the doctor - Doctor, the problem is: I got married, my wife is a virgin! i tried to disflower her but my privates could not enter! - the doctor responds, alright take this ointment and apply it u'd get a good result, ok? The next day, the guy returned. -- Doctor, it didn't enter! this is not possible, said the doctor! Take this other product here, it is a special ointment for this type of case! apply it well, u'd get a better result, ok? Again the next day, the guy appeared again - Doctor, it did not enter! No this is not possible! no one would believe this! Look, I will make one last attempt , Take this german ointment I received today. You only have one caution, it must be used with milk! use the ointment and put the privates in a glass of milk. The next day the guy appeared again. Doctor, it did not enter! the doctor very scared, not entered? How? what? The guy - it did not enter the cup.
The doctor fainted.
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To be continued.
