His wife rolls over and asks, "What in the world was that?"The old man says, "A goal. I'm ahead one-nil."
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Goal! One all too."The old man farts again. "Goal! I'm ahead 2-1."
Now starting to get into this the wife quickly farts again and says,"Goal! 2 all."
The old man tries to fart again, but cannot. Trying desperately not to be out-done by his wife, he gives it everything he has to get out
just one more fart. He strains a little too hard and sh*ts on the bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
The old man replies, "Half-time, lets switch sides."
.
.
..
.
2. A gorgeous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at her and all his professionalism flew out the window. He was overwhelmed with passion and desire and immediately told her to get undressed.
After she had disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing
so, he said, "Do you know what I am doing?" Yes," she replied, "You're checking for abrasions and dermatological
abnormalities.
"That's right," said the doctor. He then began to handle her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," she said, "You're checking for lumps which might indicate b.r-e-a-s-t cancer."
"Correct," replied the doctor.
Then he mounted his patient and started having s.x.u.a.l intercourse with her.
He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she said, "You're contacting HIV/AIDS, which is why I'm here."
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, the doctor fainted.
.
.
.
.
3. I caught one fine girl on a BBM group last week sunday and we started chatting. She started disturbing me o, to come and see her, since we don't leave faraway. She is the type that is caged at home which i noticed from her chat. She said when i get there i should colonize the gateman if
possible i should give him small money so that he will smuggle me into her room because her father is a retired army, a very harsh one for that matter who doesn't tolerate boys visiting his only daughter. When i got there i saw an old man outside the house, he was wearing a short knicker and a tear tear singlet holding a newspaper. I asked if he was the gateman and he said yes. So i said my angel Merriment told me to come see her. Is she available or switched off. He said she is available and that she is inside. What of her useless daddy? Hope say he is not available o? He said he is not. So i said he should carry me to Merriment's room for enjoyment purpose. He said, Okay, let's go in! I said he should wait first, let me go and buy condom at the nearby shop should incase the enjoyment leads to the next level. He said, Okay, make it snappy, I'm waiting! But wait o. I asked. What tore your singlet like this? He said it got torn while they were doing a little sanitation in the compound. I told him not to worry that i will buy another one for him. He thanked me. And i told him he is a correct guy, and that after everything i will give him small thing to hold body with. Again, he thanked me. As i was looking for a shop to buy condom from i saw a guy carrying a dozen of singlet. I then asked where i can buy condom from, in the area. He showed me. I asked if he was selling the singlets, that i want to buy one for somebody. He then told me that they were doing a little sanitation in their house when his oga's singlet got torn. So his oga said he should go and buy a dozen of singlets for him. He pointed at them Merriment's house and said he is the gateman there. Please, i don't know if i should go back to the house again?
.
.
.
4. One day, a certain Arab man walked into a bar. As soon as he entered, he noticed a Jewish man sitting in the corner. So the Arab man walked over to the counter, removed his wallet and shouted, "Bar man! I am buying free drinks for everyone in this bar, except for that Jew man over there!" So the bar man collected the money from the Arab man and began serving free drinks to everyone in the
bar, except to the Jewish man. However, instead of becoming upset, the Jewish man simply looked up at the Arab man and shouted, "Thank you!" This infuriated the Arab man. So once again, the Arab man took out his wallet and shouted, "Bar man! This time i am buying free drinks and food for everyone in this bar, except for that Jew man sitting in the corner over there!" So the bar man collected the money from the Arab man and began serving free food and drinks to everyone in the bar. When the bar man finished serving the food and drinks, once again, instead of becoming angry, the Jewish man simply smiled at the Arab man and shouted, "Thank you!" This made the Arab man furious. So he leaned over on the counter and said, "What is wrong with that Jew? I have bought food and drinks for everyone in this bar except for him, but instead of becoming angry, he just sits there and smiles at me and shouts, 'Thank you.' Is he mad?". The bar man smiled at the Arab man and said, "No, he is not mad. He is the owner of this bar." The Lord will use your enemies to prosper you in Jesus name, Amen!.
.
.
.
.
5. A mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex,
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
'Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat Her mother fainted.
