A small town persecuting attorney called his first witness to stand in a trial, a grand motherly elder woman.
He approached her an asked, "Mrs Jones do you know me?
She responded ",why, yes i do know you, mr Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly you have been a big disappointment to me, you lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talkabout them behind teir backs, you think you are a rising big shot when you haven't the brain to realize you will neveramount to anything more than a two - bit paper pusher.
Yes i kniow you.
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he he pointed across the room and asked "Mrs Williams do you know the defense attorney?
She repied 'Why yes i do.' I've known Mr Bradley since he was a youngstar too. I used to babysit him for his parents and he too have been a big disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a functional relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes i know him.
At this point the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counsellors to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, " if any of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be jailed for contempt"!
2. MISTAKE
An employee walks intothe office of his boss and says "What is the meaning of this. i have been paid N2000 less than what we decided upon'
The boss replies " I know about it, but you did not complain when we paid N2000 extra by mistake last month.
BAD BUSINESS
A man walked into a dress shop and asked the proprietor how business was.
"Terrible" he complained. "It's so bad, why i only sold one dress yesterday. Today It's even worse. How could it be worse asked his friend " Today that lady returned the dress she bought".
3. JOB REQUIREMENTS
Employer: In this job we need some one who is responsible.
Applicant: I'm the one you want. On my last job everytime anything went wrong, they said i was responsible!
4. The bride tells her husband
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!
5. BUSINESS MAN AND DOCTOR
A businessman returns from the far east. After a few days he notices rashes on his joystick. He sees several doctors. They all say: "You've been screwing around in the America, very common there, no cure. We'll have to cut it off." The man panics, but decides, if it is common in America they must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in New York.
The doctor examines him and says, "You've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?"
The man replies, "Yes a few in Abuja."
The doctor says, "I bet they told you it had to be cut off."
The man answers, "Yes!"
The doctor smiles, nods, "That is not correct. It will fall off by itself."
