mother : Hey
mom mom !
I saw dad taking
off the
secretary's shirt
in the office &
he .......his mother cuts him short
She said : what !
Hold it there son!
I want u 2 say all
that when ur
father
comes home .
That son of a
Damn!
As The father gets
in the house.....In the presence of his father,
Junior Shouts : Hey mom
mom !
I saw dad taking
off the secretary's
dress
in the office & he...
did 2 her the
same way our
neighbour did 2 u
yesterday afternoon
His mom fainted!!!
2. While eating lunch, a
husband, his wife and
their son, the son was
eating roughly and the
following conversation
took place between the
father and his son.
FATHER: You're eating
like a small pig.
SON: OK daddy.
FATHER: Do you know
what a small pig is?
SON: Yes of course, son
of a big pig like my father
The boy is now in hospital.=))
.
.
.
.
..
.
..
.
.
Ochuko asked his mother
whether they could buy
a DVD player. "I’m afraid
we can’t afford one",
sighed his mother.
But on the following day
Ochuko came in with a
brand-new DVD player.
"Where did you get the
money to pay for that?"
gasped his mother.
"Easy ma," replied Ochuko, "I
sold the television to buy the DVD
His mother fainted=
3. Pastor: bro Bayo, so did u hear anything from God about your life partner after d 4days fasting and prayers?
Bayo: yes daddy.I finally got my confirmations.
Pastor: so who did d Lord show u?
Bayo: Daddy actually I had a dream dat I was under a heavy rainfall and sister Ronke just appeared with an umbrella to cover me and held me closely so I dont get so cold den I saw a lightening?
Pastor: in the dream abi?
Bayo: yes sir. den a voice came from heaven "Bayo Bayo Bayo my son behold Ronke is ur wife" den I said ur will o Lord, i will do.
Pastor: so which Ronke are u talking about?
Bayo: your daughter sir.
Pastor: my daughter?
Bayo: yes sir.
Pastor: no no...u had a nightmare not a dream, you must be crazy get out!!!!"" Idiot.
4. OLD BUT FUNNY
9JA BABES DON REBRAND Ooooh...
You ask a 9ja babe out on a date and she manages To show up without her follow-follow friends?.. Can somebody shout HALLELUYAH!!!
Ok fast forward »
You ask her what she's having and she says in a very composed tone "I'LL HAVE JUST A PACK OF POPCORN PLEASE".. In your Mind You be like "EH POPCORN KE? SOMEBODY WAKE ME UP I MUST BE DREAMING" You codedly hide your shock and attempt to talk her into doing proper food or snacks and she insists she's bent on keeping the fats and calories down (Bros don happy die at least Money don save for that side)
Fast forward »
You both are having a great time laughing and getting along then she looks at her Wrist watch, "TIME TO GO"? you ask, "YES DEAR" she replies in yet another composed tone... She has had a great date wetin remain? But You are still shocked as per say You carry 9ja girl comot All wetin she order Na popcorn? Who says 9ja girls are greedy? For your Mind!...
Fast forward »
Just as you both get up to leave, she begins To look at the MENU at the top where orders are placed (My Guy in his Mind be like Noo! Noo!! Nooooooo!!! what is she looking at? Babe no pls don't do it please not the TAKEAWAY)
She says "BABY" (she don promote you From DEAR To BABY because she wants takeaway) she starts "Can we get some takeaway chicken and snacks for my siblings"? Bent on impressing her, with pains in Your heart, You smile and say "SURE WHY NOT"?
You stand behind her pretending to be watching what's on the tv whereas you're calculating what she's buying. Na 4 siblings she get oh but she don buy 6 takeaway packs plus extra 4 for her ancestors.. Girls are wicked!..
You pay The bills silently, e be like say make You cry but she's not even looking at your face. She still asks you to carry some of the nylons for her (oh great!)
She says "baby I had a great time I'll call you when I get home" But ofcourse she won't call when she gets home cause she's too busy fighting with her siblings over who will crack The Bone of The Chicken on The extra takeaway pack..
Fast forward »
4days later she sends my guy a text "Baby when are we Seeing again at KFC?" My guy is yet To reply The text!..
9ja babes I hail una for this well scripted Epic REBRANDING!.. TAKEAWAY things shey? Ok Na no problem.. We go change am for una very soon! Enjoy while stock last!
5. A Couple is having a quickie and their 6 year old catches them. Son says: "What are you doing?" Ask the son. Father: "I’m putting petrol in your Mom." Son: " Which means Mom’s engine is taking too much petrol cause Mr Frank just put some in yesterday!" His Father fainted!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
...
....
.
.
.
.
.
.
A Man, who is tired of town gals,went to his village to pick a wife. He got a real village girl, payed her dowry brought her to town. When he wanted to make love to her,he found out that her public hair was too much and he told her to shave. The girl replied, "Oga I no fit shave o, na this hair make all the boys for my village dey call me Afro baby"
6.
A guy with a big testicles, the size of fully grown apples heard about a competition in the USA for the man with the world's largest testicles, and he decided to sell all his properties so that he can buy a flight ticket to go and participate in the competition.
He flew to the United States.
When he got there, he saw that the competition had ended, and approached one of the participants who was crying.
He asked him, Why are you crying sir?
The Participant replied, I lost! I thought I was going to win!
The guy looked at the participant's testicles, he was surprised, and asked, You lost and your testicles are as big as fully grown watermelons, who then won?
The participant pointing at a direction said, That man over there won!
You mean that guy on a hill? The guy asked.
The participant replied, That's not a hill, those are his testicles, he's standing on them.
The guy fainted.
7.
A friend of mine had never had sex before.
He knew nothing about it.
His parents married a girl for him and on the first night after the marriage, he entered the bedroom only to see his wife completely Naked.
She asked; Do you know what i want?
He said, No!
She then laid on the bed and asked again, Do you know what i want?
He said, No!
She then spread her body on the bed and opened her legs wild, and then asked him again, Do you know what i want?
He started laughing!
After laughing for about 4 minutes, he said, Yes, you want to have the whole bed and slept on it alone!*
Shai See Mumu
8. My Grandfather was once a hat seller who passed through the forest. One day, the weather was very hot and he decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realised that all his hats were gone. Then he heard some monkeys on top of the tree and looked up. To his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys. They had taken all his hats! He sat down and tried to think on how he could get the hats down. He started to think and scratched his head. The next moment, he realised that the monkeys were doing the same thing. Next, he took down his own hat and fanned himself. The monkeys did exactly the same. Then an idea struck him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor, the monkeys did the same too. Happily, he collected all his hats back. Fifty years later, me, his grandson, became a hat seller, and got to hear this monkey story from him. So one day, just like my grandfather, i passed through the same forest. Feeling very hot, i took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. Again, when i woke up, i realised that all my hats were gone. I looked up and found that the monkeys had taken all my hats. Remembering what my grandfather told me, i started scratching my head and the monkeys followed. I took down my hat and fanned myself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of my grandfather's idea, i threw my hat on the floor, but to my greatest surprise, the monkeys still held onto all the hats. Then one bold monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor and sneered, You think you are the only one that have a grandfather abi. * Gbese re oo, debt oo i screamed.
To be continue........
